His parents ignored the fact he was different and kept him at home in the family business. At least it helps to remind those of us who are divorced what it was like having a person around who made no attempt to comprehend. My friends that have met her are a little scared of her. He is very affable and kind so everyone loves him and the counselors (I feel) vilify me or at the least invalidate my experience. They take everything as a criticism, as a personal attack. Sometimes he ignores me until he wants sex. -Sarah. I work in the caring profession and started to notice there was personality issues when I moved in with him after a year. Neurotypes are related to the structure of the brain. As for the gene pool. So while I am glad that you have had this experience, it makes me, along with many others like me, very sad, because we were not believed enough at the right time to be able to get the help we needed, and so we face a life of loneliness now we are divorced, especially if we stuck at the marriage for many decades, then gave up in despair. Hopefully my comment will counter the unfair bias present in most of the others posted here. I hope therapy will create more normalcy, if thats even really possible for relationships like this. I knew he liked me enough to tell me about his favorite video games. I just bought your book and look forward to reading it. I wouldnt be invited but instead be left at home. Just like the rest of us, autistic people will also be capable of being good/bad people. Jess you have such good coping skills, and stick to your gun when yu respect and honour your personal needs. He ignores texts or calls for help and is silently angry if expected to are or to act. My husband agreed to find a diagnosis and therapy, both individually and as a couple. This article so describes my life; in solo therapy because I thought I was going mad; the stress is overwhelming and Ive decided not to talk about it anymore because , if you dont walk in my shoes, you dont understand. Therapists who are not specialists in working with both the individual on the spectrum and the neurotypical partner can inadvertently appear to side with the partner on the spectrum, which becomes an additional source of anxiety and distress for the NT partner. Hello, Trevor, and thank you for your comment. Are they in great pain as a result? I think I finally have a better understanding for both how it must feel & when to share my emotions w/ an AS partner (by making sure were both in an environment that helps relieve tension & anxiety). He also had a brother who was Autistic and Epileptic, with a possibly Autistic son. Thank you so much for your lovely kind words it means so much and that someone out there genuinely cares.Youre reply is so how feel inside I want desperately to go back to my previous fun loving happy self,your photo suggestion has really touched me.I found a photo and burst into tears realising Im grieving for the loss of me.What a wonderful way to express it, I wouldnt allow any person /animal to hurt as much as I am and yet Im neglecting myself chronically,,,Ive so much empathy its crazy Ive been know to cry at the Rugrats!! He masked his normal (smug, short temper, controlling, arrogant, belittling, withdrawn) behavior and seemed NT. Hi Dorothy I think my situation was different from yours, in that I had 3 young children with him, the youngest of whom was only 3 when I left. She and I are so alike in so many ways. K is our daughter who died in early childhood and that was the first time in over 30 years he had even mentioned her. Best regards to you. My love to you. How can we see you if you wont show us? What do u suggest. I had 40 years with mine, & you mention the whole post-mortem thing we NTs do Ive been doing that for 5 years, I dont know whether it is entirely healthy of me, but I read sites like this a LOT to reassure myself that my own story really DID happen. Is he like rain man? Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have heard of this kind of sexual behavior from a husband on the spectrum. This is typical of him he tells me what I can and cant do, tells me that how I feel is not really how I feel. Hi JonathanL Im in the reverse of your situation. Theyll think thats cool, but then youll explain that your dad was mad when your grandpa called your little brother rain man on Thanksgiving and theyll nod, maybe theyll understand a little. Please remember that when I write an article, nothing in it would ever apply to every couple. I knew there was something different about my marriage and my husbands behaviour but could not define exactly what was wrong. She is his, not mine. He constantly accused me of changing my mind, insisting that we had agreed on something that he acted on. I can say From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Thank you, Carol. Personally I have this beautiful world view where I dont see race or gender, just people; and I certainly dont want a cure for that. ), Try, Sounds like a good idea. Tell me more.. 
Im sorry it is that way but there is nothing I can do about it now. Discuss dreams and aspirations. People have always been gravitated to me. She has told me how much I have hurt her and I want to heal what I have done. In 2019, she opened up about her marriages with exes Brad Pitt and Justin Theroux. My children have left home now and I am 58 years old. He was the wronged victim. We went to a really lovely party like wake for a friend who had just passed and he did not really want to go but I nudged him to go and he did. I was not strong enough. He was kind. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. I have done a vast amount of research (another trait of those with ASD) and I would suggest that most negative traits that cause upset are probably learned behaviors and that you can teach new behaviors to a so-called high functioning autist by simply living as the person you would like you partner to be. I didnt want to upset her, so I did it. But what for??? Only it is not POST. Many singles like being single and have more important priorities than coupling. I needed to leave the burning building, regardless of whether my Aspies intended the disrespect. Although, I think I knew deep down I never would I just pretended to myself that there was always hope and things might change over time. I just dont feel that AS/ NT marriage can ever work, because of the emotional nature of marriage, but I know there are people on this site and elsewhere who feel it does work for them. I can breathe now. You will find my contact information linked to my profile above. For me, it would be a terrible betrayal to seek sex outside of our marriage, as one contributor to this thread has suggested. Certainly there are some who do and these are bad warning signs, but the implication that all autistic men act this way is uncomfortable at best and outright hateful toward autistic persons at worst. Sorry about my English Its not my mother language. He has a very successful job and works from 6am to 7 pm at night and eats at the same time everyday and has a very organized life apart from me. Im 40 and I could never be anything important because I just dont know how to human. never_ever_right 2. Im always thinking that its me. Now I have been told that I am causing the rift in their marriage, and lying and judging him, and have become the target for both of their displaced anger. There are so many comments on this post by women who have endured decades with their ASD husbands; many whose spouses either discredited the plausibility of their being on the spectrum or simply refused to do anything about it. I am curious as to see if an ASD/NT relationship is truly manageable or if it is inevitably doomed from the eyes of the ASD. People with ASD, predominately, do not lie. Both decisions are reached with compassion and a new understanding of their relationship and each other. This would mean you would eventually, no matter what, be in their care. I never remarried or even had the desire to. Very very close minded. Mums sister was Aspie, very bright, but although selfish, its not seen as clearly no one outside the family could see it. Anyway, you said you dont know how to make things better or more manageable. We have two very young children and when I get frustrated they get scared that we are going to divorce. I think I can start a journey of helping my wife with our family and being more thoughtful of her. 
What the heck? Most guys could literally care less about that stuff because most of us are not emotional or sentimental creatures. His constant anxiety related to living in what feels like an alien culture is soothed by predictability. My children are still young. What a mess Ive gotten myself into. We talked about this but he refused to give cannabis up he said i wouldnt like him off it and hed choose it over me any day. Later on in the evening I phoned my parents and told them EVERYTHING, how he constantly takes money from my bag without asking, how he constantly uses my debit and credit card to withdraw hundreds of pounds that he never pays back (yet he earns MORE than me). 
I can only tell you my own experience for what it is worth. I could not have said it better. Im so sorry. I am sure I was with someone who covered up, who I thought was really loyal and came to discover wasnt. Up until now I have just kept my mouth shut when she speaks to me in her bitter tone. He blames me for absolutely everything including his heart attack, affair with my best friend ten years ago and for apparently using hom like a cash cow for years and spending all his insurance money. Your story is painful, like the stories of all the women who have taken the time to write here in this thread, and those of the women we work with in our psychotherapy practices. Rob, I wonder if you might feel that the depths of your pain and suffering is not being seen and validated? We fight constantly in circular arguments. Ug. As long as I can gain back the love and respect for myself, and pure joy of being alive, my cup is full. Do you know how many times you can reach out to people for help and get ignored? Your children are also watching you be abused by way of disrespect ,ignoring ,if not even like in my case saying terrible things about me to my children. Warm regards to you. Aaaaaaghthanks to anyone who reads, is listening, I think really just posted this instead of journaling which is stupid yet lifes an illusion and no one get out alive, we just keep on going to the next adventure and keep on learning . He turns every statement I make about him around back on me somehow. I think that it is many things but they most all are square pegs in round holes .They desperately want to be like us , accepted as ourselves and liked. It has been challenging for me to hear or even contemplate because my mind and emotional blindness have prevented me from seeing my behavior as tormenting and destructive. Will look for counseling, but sometimes feel its too late at 56. In the beginning I believed I couldnt live without this man he was my whole world now I struggle to meet everyday with all the demands that it comes with. Thank you for sharing your story. I have been told this in a variety of ways throughout my life, by many of my friends and family, colleagues, and even strangers, actually. My daughter is more neutral. There are many happy aspie-NT couples, and if you want to find out what they are doing, look up Alan and Sakura on YouTube or Instagram, or google David & Kim Finch, or look up So I Married an Asphole on YouTube. Your perception of a lack of empathy is not whats actually going on here at all. I can understand why you might grow weary of explaining this. I am unsure if I truly enjoy his company or have forced myself to make it that I believe this to survive. I thought it was me because I have gained about 20 lbs in the last year, but now know it is just this. He is a photographer and has just used me for ideas. 
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